Well, maybe some of them ARE meant to be insults.  You decide:

1.  “Are you feeling very well today?”  (Meaning to you:  “You sure are grouchy!”)

2.  “Wow!  You lost weight!  You look great!”  (What you hear:  “You were so fat before! It’s great you did something about that!”)

3.  “That makeup makes your skin look remarkable”! (You think they said to you:  “It’s about time you covered up those black circles and eye bags!  You look like Barney Fife!”)

4.  “You don’t need to be concerned about that…”  (Meaning:  “Get out of my business.”)

5.  “Would you like a mint?”  (You think they said to you::  “Your breath smells like the dead rat in the back of the garage.”)

6.  “Did you just wash your hair?”  (Meaning:  “Your hair is a grease bomb!”)

7.  When you call someone and the person on the other line immediately says, “What’s up?”  (What you hear:  “OK, give it to me straight and hurry up and get it over with because I’m busy and can’t be bothered…”)

8.   “Oh, I’m sorry, I can’t met up today…it will probably have to be in a couple of weeks.  I’ll call you!”  (What you hear:  “I am so IMPORTANT.  Us IMPORTANT people do not have a lot of extra time to visit.”)

9.  “Oh!  You got your hair cut!” (Meaning:  “What did you do to your hair?!”)

10.  “So, are you tired?” (Implied:  “…or are you just ugly?”)**Credit for this one given to my friend, Lampost Lisa, who dreamt that someone said this to her.  It affected her throughout the rest of Junior High.  T-shirts on sale soon.  Stay tuned!

UPDATE: 
T-SHIRTS NOW AVAILABLE! 

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